Recent Realizations

I realized that I could take all of the images or more or less of them and have a random picture shown at the onload. I would just need to make them all the right size.

Today I talked with my therapist...we eventually talked about my tape thing...she said that when I get in situations where I feel like calling myself names that I should find a statement that would balance the equation. Like

Human beings make mistakes.

Then, since this afternoon, my throat has been unbelievably dry.

Recently I've been thinking I don't like the music stylings of Avril Lavigne or Hillary Duff.

Time to Go to Bed

I was browsing the Internet and came accross The Hall of Worlds a fan website for Raymond E. Feist. I met Feist at a book signing at the Mysterious Galaxy bookstore in San Diego. I was wearing my UC Davis shirt that has Hawaiian style flowers running across the front. He commented that he had the same shirt, except with UCSD. --I just smiled--

I don't get why the UK release of Exile's Return is already out, but the US release isn't untill about April 2005. He's an American author...native at that.

New Skin

I've been thinking I'd like to sortof tweak the look of my blog.

I have some pics that I found at a stock photo site. They're amazing and probaly not the size that I would use them at.

Please help me choose which pic to use.

Just let me know by describing which pic it is. Or if it's easier for you to copy and paste the number/name that's fine too.

Odd Sixth Sense

Every so often I'll get this feeling. Like sometimes I feel like I can sense people's auras. But that's not what I'm writing about.

I've been getting this far away sort of feeling that within a year or so. Maybe more maybe less. I feel like something really good is going to happen with my life. Something that will bring me out of this muck I have created of my life since I went to Meredith College, NC in 1999.

It's very faint. And I have no idea what it is.

Maybe I subconsciously felt like I was hopeless.
And maybe somehow I have now found even just a thread of hope.

Although, since I went to this job fair like um on the 14th at the San Diego Concourse, I have recieved two job interviews.

One I already will be able to do. Well I mean the call I got was from Taylor Research, they want people from San Diego to come and discuss issues of San Diego. I fit the profile the company or companies they are working for. It'll be just one day and then I get $75.00.

The next job interview is tomorrow morning at 10:00 am. It's with the company Primerica. So far, that's all I know about that job interview.

I have a little bit more than 50 pages left in King of Foxes. I keep thinking...I haven't read Tolkien, but I've seen the movies....and the plots just pale in my opinion compared to Feist's works.

cool hacker text thing

I was doing a quick bit of searching and found this:

Hacker text

It's the kind of hacker text or whatever I was trying to tell you guys about, one night in #simgames.

I'm so tired...I don't think I can keep my eyes open

I always wake up at 7:00 in the morning when my alarm goes off. But then this morning I had my breakfast and went back to bed for at least 5 more minutes of sleep. I have a timer I use, but I almost can't hear it anymore because I used to have a loft bed and it fell off onto the floor so many times.

Anyway I haven't had lunch yet, but I was in the compute lab doing my classwork. It's 9 classes, but all go at your own pace and do it there in the lab. It's a terrible feeling when your eyes start to droop in front of the computer and you feel self-conscious like I shouldn't be falling asleep.

Well, talking about lunch, I need to acquire an apetite, come lunch lately I just haven't been very hungry.

I Don't Want To Stop Reading

I've been reading the book King of Foxes by Raymond E. Feist. Recently I joined the fan e-mail list for Feist.

It's already been quite exciting, because the author has replied to more than one e-mail. I haven't sent any e-mails yet, though.

I've been using gmail from google for the e-mail. The e-mail messages are shown in like a forum post sort of form, but I'm not sure if that's because of gmail or because it's a fan e-mail group.

But back to the book, his books read at such a fast pace. Well you either want to sit down and read a whole lot, or you feel like you don't want to read the book, because you don't want the book to end.

I think one aspect I like of Feist's work, is that I forget that I'm a female in this world and for a bit of time I get to experience this other world. A world with magic, and other creatures. But as well it takes place more at about the 1600s or so, like most science-fiction of this genre do. And there are soldiers and various types of duels. It's almost enough to make me want to take up fencing lessons.

When I read Feist's work, I don't just read the book, I sit down with a big concise dictionary. I've actually already had to turn to the web for a word definition, since it was not in my huge dictionary. I look up a word when I'm not sure what it means. Maybe it even seems familiar, but I'll look it up. For what it's worth maybe about 20% of the words are ....well usefull is not quite the right word. But you'll understand what I mean, since the other 80% are mostly arcane words.

On a different note, my mood for the last week has been rather...moody. Well like I had set down my dinner where I decided I wanted to eat and somehow my sister didn't notice it and she took my place. Well I didn't do anything really about it, I moved my "place", but I just felt like I wanted to smash something, make a big crashing sound of my anger.

Busy Boring Day

It seems like every morning I just want to stay in bed and sleep more.

But I get up, eat breakfast, and start the day. For a while I've at least had breakfast and I'm still running around doing whatever in my pj's.

Then once I get to the college, I don't really want to be there.

I'm looking for a job at least for part-time, but if I have classes, I feel like when can I look for jobs and apply for them?

On a different note, in the morning breakfast is never a problem for me. I'll have some Frosted Flakes or some instant maple brown sugar oatmeal. At lunch and dinner, on the other hand, I seem to have no appetite, a small appetite, or usually I can't find something healthy that I want to eat.

I feel like week in and week out I do nothing.....and this makes me feel exhausted. So, I want to relax, which doesn't feel like relaxing is justified, since I haven't done anything.

I think that's perhaps 1 of the 3 tapes I have playing in my head. We all have mental tapes, things we have come to believe out of habit. And sometimes they may not be true. I'm not sure how to change mine or turn them off.

my tapes are

1. I'm stupid
2. I'm a terrible person
3. I'm not accomplishing anything productive in my life right now

I've been diagnosed as having depression and I do take meds, but pills are not a cure. They don't make you not depressed.

Frisky 

Frisky 

Frisky 

Frisky 

Frisky 

Fat Boy 

How It Went

The ball game was pretty good we all had a good time and talked and laughed. The Padres didn't win though they scored like 2 I think against 5 and I'm blanking on who they played against.

It was hot and I really should have worn shorts and not worn black. I had a Coke that Robyn bought for me, but I didn't really want anything else. I didn't really have lunch.

I didn't need to use the binoculars I brought we were really close. However, I wish I had brought a camera. The baseball field and all the buildings around it looked as if I was in the game SimCity3000 inside attending a baseball game.

Sunday Morn Before Church

Anxious about the Padres Baseball game this afternoon. I did find Dad's binoculars but I'll have to leave a message saying that I have them. I don't know yet if we'll car pool over from the church or not. I hope so.

Why do I always feel hot when I get out of the shower even after I've dressed and gotten ready? I even finish in cool water, but I'm still hot.

I guess I'm really just trying to burn time right now. I still have like 5 minutes before I really need to leave for church.

oh well, toodles!

Note to Self

Remember to check for an email from flooble about the account set up. After that install the thing called chatterbox.

template troubles

I wanted to try to use the template from glish.com it has a background that very gradually changes color. You almost don't notice it. I can't make it seem to work nicely though.

Brand New Day

After a lot of muck and slush I started anew.